Over the past few months I've been battling with a decision over the future. Whenever people would ask about my plans for staying in China, I'd always respond with, "I don't have a plan. I'm here until it is time to go." But now, I have a plan...sort of.
Ever since my last trip home, I've really been struggling on when to go. At first I thought I would be home for good by Christmas time. But, upon returning, I took more time to pray about it and seek God for the right answer. I still don't have an official one other than the time is coming. It will be sometime between December and May 3. That is the day my visa expires and I do not plan to renew it. I'm coming home on December 18 for the holidays and I am in a wedding in Florida in the end of January. I'm still waiting to know if that is permanent or if I will return for my final few months in China. This isn't a decision that has come easy, but I feel the Lord is lining things up so that it can be a smooth transition for the Guest Relations department at SFCV.
Last week I had to do the hardest part: tell Tim and Tina. Pam already knew because I broke down to her when I first came back from the States. Waiting so long to tell them was hard. I felt like I was living a lie every time we talked and the anxiety was really getting to me. I'll be honest, it sucked. I didn't want to let them down, but I knew that it wasn't. Of course we were all a little emotional in the meeting, we are more than coworkers or even friends, we are family. I made a promise that China is not off the table for the future, and it is not. It has been a huge part of my life, of my growth, and of my heart. I can't see a future that does not involve it in one way or another.
So now, this is the part that I don't like, but have to say. Moving is expensive. My flights alone for just visiting home in the last year have me in serious debt. I really hate asking for money, but it seems to be something I can't do without. I guess a better way to ask this is to say, please pray for the Lord's provision in this transitional period. I pray that whatever job I take on next year will allow me to pay off my debts quickly so I can begin saving for the future (that hopefully involves adopting Chinese babies).