Thank you...

I usually write of the smiles and good times and post pictures of beautiful children, but it is not always smiles and good times and beauty. I just hit my three month mark, and while I didn't have the nightmares of the one month mark, it has definitely been the hardest milestone. The spiritual attack and spiritual dryness has been rampant. I can honestly say I have lost focus. I have forgotten why I am here. I have neglected quiet times and strayed from prayer. I have picked fights with those I love. And now here I am, standing in the new year, knee deep in realizations. I am looking forward now to a renewed spirit, to a deeper love, to a greater understanding. I share this because, you, my friends, you are my accountability. You are my prayer warriors. You are my brothers and sisters. Thank you for sticking by me all this time. Thank you for praying with me and for me. Thank you for loving me, especially when I make myself unlovable. Thank you.

Psalm 31:5 "Into Your hand I commit my spirit; You have redeemed me, O Lord, faithful God."

Continuing Christmas (because I am irresponsible)

The title is true. I have been irresponsible. Back in the beginning of November, Gretchen sent a couple of things for Henry. My job was to deliver them, however, I instead put them on my table in my room and completely forgot about them. From time to time I would glance at them and think, "I should really get that taken care of," but then I would continue about my day without doing it. Today, December 27, I decided it was about time for me to be responsible. I continued Christmas for Henry Hill by delivering his gifts from his mama. Of course he can't know yet that he has a family waiting for him, but he was very excited to get Christmas presents, and even more excited when I told them they came all the way from America. He told Eric nice and loud where his book came from. Even though it was irresponsible of me to hang on to the gifts for so long, it was rather fun to deliver them as Christmas gifts. I hope these pictures will put forgiveness in his mother's heart now that I've finally done my job :)

Thank you!

Showing Eric his book

Looking at all the pictures

P.S. I am glad I was the messenger because I got the sweetest hugs and kisses

Safe in the Father's arms

On Friday, December 16, 2011, we lost a sweet little boy by the name of Austin. He came to us not more than a month ago with a very complex heart condition. He was very blue and we hoped that he would have surgery soon, but he never got the chance. Austin wasn't doing well all week, running a high fever. Friday afternoon he was taken to the hospital, but died on the way. What a joy it was to know this dear angel. As we mourn the loss of one ours, we are at the same time thankful for the knowledge that he is with his true Father now.

Last Sunday I was able to spend an extended amount of time with Austin. The girls went to Beijing for the day, but I needed rest so I stayed behind. The power went out leaving me with little entertainment in my apartment so I decided to go see Austin. I held him all afternoon. Because the power was still out after 5pm, the ayis let me stay in there holding him while my flashlight provided them with enough light to feed the other kids. This was the last time I saw Austin and I know now just how special that time was.

This has got to be the hardest part of this job. I've never dealt with the loss of a baby before, especially one that I already loved so dearly. I pray that as the winter continues, our other heart babies will grow stronger, not weaker. Lord, we commit them all into Your hands. You are our great provider and protector and it is in You we find our strength and comfort.

Austin Xie Minhuang

March 14, 2011 - December 16, 2011

 

Walking in a Winter Wonderland

What a wonderful surprise I woke up to find this morning. December 2, 2011 marks the first snow of the season at Shepherd's Field! There isn't a lot of it yet, but I am sitting on the couch looking at the window as it continues to fall. Welcome to winter!

Not much yet, but enough to excite me!

Not enough snow to change out of my Converse :)

I am so excited for more snow. I don't mind the cold because it is so warm inside now. I actually have the window cracked a little because the heat is so intense. I've been sleeping in shorts instead of layers for the last week. Today is a great day to be alive: snow, Christmas music, tree to be decorated...thank you Lord for such a blessed time as this.